Heck Hath No Fury
by shegal92
Summary: ...such as a Rosalie scorned. R&R.


Disclaimer: Own nothing. Don't sue.

I guiltily kept glancing back as I drove out of La Push. Edward didn't like me going to go see Jacob, but ancient vampire/werewolf feud aside, Jacob was still my friend. The Cullens were supposed to be coming back from a hunting trip tonight, and I had been spending the majority of the weekend in La Push (to Charlie, Jacob, and Billy's relief). Alice apparently hadn't had any vision about my intentions, or she kept them to herself for once. Lesson Number One of the Cullen Family: A secret lasts about as long as a decision is made, a thought formed, or a feeling emerging.

Jacob had seemed pretty proud about something, glancing conspiratorily at Quil and Embry when they dropped by. He kept asking about Rosalie, and I kept reminding him how I hadn't seen her since Friday. Her moods tended to shift on at least a daily basis. He told me to be careful, especially tonight, when I left. This was nothing new; his opinions about the Cullens were right there alongside his heart on his sleeve. But tonight, he had smiled when saying this, asking one last time about Rosalie.

I looked back towards the road...and slammed on the brakes, nearly screaming. I sighed with relief and frustration; hadn't Rosalie learned by now that my reflexes didn't move at hypersonic speed like hers did? What was she doing there in my headlights, anyway? Glaring at me? Like I was the scum of the earth? And why was she holding a chain saw?

She pulled the string, revving it to life. Before I could register she had moved, my windshield was shattered, hissing something way too fast for me to understand what she was saying. Oh, wait, that was Esme, who was suddenly on top of me.

_Rosalie_ was the one screaming and cursing me out so horribly it would make Dane Cook blush. All of the Cullen men were grabbing her, restraining her as her teeth snapped a mere inch from my face.

A sadistic vampire hunter? Sure, I'll go meet him. A pack of werewolves? No big deal, I'll hang out with them. The Volturi? A bunch of big bullies. Rosalie angry? I do believe if I hadn't gone before I went, I would have wet myself.

"Why did you wear your seatbelt?!" Esme exclaimed in frustration, cramming me deeper and deeper into the seat cushion as Rosalie extended herself as far as she could go. I whimpered and then shrieked. She was getting closer!

Esme finally gave up on unbuckling me, simply ripping the seatbelt to shreds. She clutched me to her granite body and smashed the door open using only her shoulder. She jumped cleanly to her feet and took off with me cradled in her arms.

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, trying to steady my heart.

"Bella, honey, are you all right?"

"I don't understand," I admitted.

"Neither do I. She was fine up until she went to her room and then...something upset her. And then, when Edward picked up on what she was thinking... I'm sorry," Like it was her fault Rosalie freaked.

She stopped and I dared to open my eyes. She scented the wind, her light golden eyes searching the darkness for danger. She finally set me down on their front porch and opened the door for me.

Her hand covered her mouth and nose and she coughed. I looked down self-consciously, wondering if I had cut myself on something.

Alice was crouched on the couch, staring blankly, a smirk on her face. I suppose ESP is a good channel to watch instead of actually being at the fight.

"How can you stand it?!" Esme said exasperantly. Alice blinked a few times and then glanced up at her.

"I guess I just got used to it. Don't worry, Bella," she turned to me, "Rosalie will calm down remarkably faster than she usually does. She's already starting to listen to reason."

"Well, that's good," Esme smiled. Alice jumped to her feet and was at my side before I blinked. Sometimes I wish I could have a remote to slow down my life, you know, so I could actually understand what was going on before it ended. Vampires were more annoying than they were terrifying most of the time.

"Come on; you have to see Rosalie's room!" She laughed, taking my hand. She didn't scoop me up and carry me at the speed of light like I knew she wanted to, but for my benefit, walked at a human pace, trembling at the effort.

"You know, a little warning would have been nice," I muttered.

"Sorry; you know I can't see until they make a decision. Well, on Rosalie's part...it was pretty instant. She was in the garage before I could see her attacking you," she grinned, "You said you were going to house sit for us this weekend, didn't you?" She asked. I glanced at her.

"Charlie said I couldn't, remember?"

"Yeah, but Rosalie didn't get the message," she flashed her brilliant teeth at me, "So she's under the illusion that you let some of your friends in. That stench that Esme was talking about? Werewolf. It's all over the house. Luckily, Jasper and mine bedroom was untouched, as Carlisle and Esme's. The only thing that happened in Edward's were his cd's were all over the floor. But Rosalie and Emmett's..." She pushed open the door.

My mouth fell open in shock. The entire room had been TPed. The dozen or so frilly decoration pillows were torn to shreds, as was the scarlet comforter. The canopy had been torn down, the nightstand knocked over. Alice giggled, and led me to the bathroom.

The shower curtains were torn down. Makeup (why she wears makeup when she's already unbelievably gorgeous is beyond me) was strewn across the floor, powders and opened lip glosses and mascara tubes with the brushes painting the black on the tiles and perfumes bottles smashed open, etc.

Alice pointed at the mirror. I looked towards it. Scrawled in crabhand handwriting in red lipstick was, "Compliments of your friendly neighborhood pack".

"It was her favorite tube," she said solemnly.

"So, she thinks I let the pack in," I stated. Alice nodded. Well, now the Washington Chainsaw Massacre was starting to make sense.

I heard the front door open and close.

"Well, some sense has been talked into Rosalie. I think it's safe for us to go down. Don't go in the closet," Alice warned when she saw me going to investigate the putrid smell. I heeded her advice and followed her downstairs.

Rosalie was already coming up the stairs, flanked by Emmett and Jasper. Emmett was grinning behind Rosalie's back, probably glad that his room had been defeminized. Jasper looked angry, a giant rip in the shoulder of his shirt.

"So you weren't responsible for letting them in?" Rosalie asked dryly. I nodded, "Sorry," she really didn't sound like she meant it.

"Yeah, maybe next time you won't jump to conclusions and ruin a perfectly good chainsaw and shirt," Jasper hissed. Stone against saw was never a good combo.

"You may want to check on the closet," Alice suggested. Rosalie growled, low and deep, like an animal. She stormed into her bedroom.

"It didn't look like they forced their way in," Emmett said.

"That's because someone left the front door unlocked," Jasper glared at Alice. Alice grinned sheepishly.

"Well, it was either that or get a new door," she defended herself softly.

"But you can't see werewolves," I pointed out.

"I can sure see their aftermath, though. Once it was final that Bella wasn't housesitting, I got a vision of, well, this," she waved her hand at the bedroom.

It was then we heard Rosalie scream. Emmett vanished, and then reappeared, laughing.

Rosalie came hopping out on one foot, the other covered in what had to be werewolf turd.

"YOU SAW THAT COMING, DIDN'T YOU?!" She screamed at Alice. Alice laughed.

"Yeah. It was going to happen even if I didn't tell you to go into your closet, though."

Rosalie slammed into Alice, sounding like two boulders crashing together. Emmett laughed.

"I guess psychics just wanna have fun," he joked.

**End**

Don't ask where the inspiration came from. This just happened. Don't put logic into it, either. If you can't be nice, don't review. If you thought this was decent and can be nice, then please review.


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